An Almost Made Up Poem

Even the sexiest of evil queens and the handsomest of huntsmen could not save “Snow White and the Huntsman” from being greatly disappointing. If you are a fairytale fanatic, like moi, I am certain you really want to watch this adaptation of the Grimms’ classic. Immediately after watching the visually stunning preview, I was ready to purchase my ticket.  Nothing gets me more excited to see a movie than beautiful cinematography and a sweaty Chris Hemsworth.

After I revved myself up for an epic take on the fairy tale classic, I came into the theater very optimistic that the movie would deliver. I believed this action-packed movie would share a different perspective of the story, one that is darker and more sinister. I thought the characters would excite me in a different way than they had when I read the story as a child. I wanted to know more about the Huntsman and his journey with this new kick-ass version of Snow White.  Instead, I got a very different movie from the one I visualized. Kudos to whoever edited the preview because they managed to turn a boring, slow-paced, and flat film into an awe-worthy 3 minutes.

In “Snow White and the Huntsman,” Snow White (Kristen Stewart) escapes from stepmother and soul-eater (Charlize Theron).  The evil queen realizes Snow White is upstaging her and she will soon become a mere lowly runner up in the Fairy Tale Beauty Pageant. The Evil Queen ain’t having it. The Evil Queen hires a drunk, hapless Huntsman to kill the fair princess. This is where the story is supposed to engross the viewer. Instead, the film lags, spending way too much time showing the viewer how weird the Dark and Enchanted Forest appear (look at all the pretty, artistic things in the scenery!)  and not enough time engaging the viewer with its characters. By the time you meet the seven dwarves, you might be snoozing. The lack of character development left me not caring about the fate of the characters. I started rooting for the Evil Queen (does that say something about me or the movie?).

Although some of the acting is stellar (Theron and Helmworth do a great job), every other character seems like an afterthought. Snow White, who is supposed to be the main focus, is upstaged by the Evil Queen and the Huntsman. Stewart’s version of Snow White is no different than her version of a lovesick Bella in “Twilight”. That’s why when Snow White decides she needs to kick some evil queen ass, her transition to fearless Joan of Arc-esque warrior is more than a stretch—it is unbelievable.

Now, there are some redeeming qualities about the film. Like I mentioned before, the cinematography is amazing. You really feel like you are looking at an art book, not a movie. The stunning dark scenery, noteworthy acting, and deviance from the traditional story make the film a worthwhile rental (well, maybe more like a good Netflix instant movie option). However, for the average movie watcher and lover of all things fairytale, “Snow White and the Huntsman” lacks plot and character development, falling short of happily ever after.